The Litany of Fate 0oA Quall X3o0
by Drossel
Summary: This is my 'sequel' to the video game Final Fantasy VIII. Everything you ever wanted to know from the origin of Griever to the truth behind Ellone's powers is revealed. And of course I love people who RR
1. Preprologue a rewrite

***Disclaimer: FF8 and all its characters are the property of those yummy gods of Squaresoft^_^ Except maybe Laguna....he's mine XD I'll be updating as soon as I physically write down the chapters so stick with me ^_~ This is the pre-prologue to my sequel...a little rewrite of the balcony scene to help my main story alon. Enjoy!! ^_^***  
  
  
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Quistis couldn't help feeling out-of-place again. Not only was she at a dance in which people would expect you to, well...dance, but she was also in her battle uniform instead of some fru-fru ballgown. She eyed the girls her own age who were either giggling or practically purring whenever a uniformed SeeD walked by, and rolled her eyes in veiled disgust. She couldn't understand the reasoning behind all the preperation and primping just to see the same guys she'd seen every day of her life...and had assigned homework to.  
  
Just as she was in the middle of rationalizing why she didn't dress up, instead of kicking herself for it, a girl in a tight maroon dress slid by with a puppy of a cadet trailing on her heels and shot her a look laced with pity. Quistis decided it would be wise to study her untouched wineglass. The lights from the chandelier reflected back up at her blurred and out of focus...mirroring her own disjointed thoughts. She was only 18 and she knew she had accomplished so much, but it was times like this when she wondered if maybe there was something she was missing because of her load of responsibilities. Not that it would be a problem much longer now that she was being stripped of her license.  
  
The lecture she got from Xu about the "spider" incident was still ringing in her ears, but in the end it was a mixed blessing. Quistis leaned up against the wall and surveyed the crowd full of laughter and lights and tried for a smile. The night was a huge success, sponsers were lining up to speak with Cid about recruiting the new members, and she was able to keep Seifer at bay. She did smile at that, imagining the look of indignation falling into a haughty pout as he heard he was restricted to his quarters for the night. Well, she was justified. Tonight she didn't want any disturbances for her latest and last star pupil...  
  
Tentatively, she scanned the crowd again. Maybe he wouldn't come. It did seem like showing up at a social gathering wouldn't be particularly conducive to his angst-boy-loner image, but, he knew it was his duty to be here tonight. And if there is anything Squall took seriosuly, it was his sense of duty.  
  
Quistis shook her head with a touch of ire and brushed a stray locke of honey-blonde hair back from her eyes. She understood him, more than he gave her credit for. It was almost as if she could anticipate his actions and words just by the small nuances he seemed to exude. Plus, Squall really had no idea how expressive his eyes truly were. Or how unnerving they could be.  
  
Her heels clicked on the marble softly as she began to trace the perimeter of the room. She was the one who had been nervous inside the fire cavern and had thus babbled on like a complete moron. But she had to say something to break the silence and avert the attention of those cold, piercing eyes.  
  
A murmer surged through the crowd and she turned.  
  
"Speak of the devil....", she exhaled ruefully as the general female populace began to primp and surge forward towards the fresh meat. Even from across the room Quistis caught panic, embarrasment, and amusement flash across his face, emphasized by the shadows cast by the candlelight. Though soon enough his features were chiseled back into non-chalance, and he made his way to a quiet corner.  
  
Quistis knew she must have something better to do then gawk at a student, but he was unmistakably attractive to her. It wasn't just the way he moved so confidently, or how he looked lounging against the wall in that uniform. Most of it was this overpowering desire to see him smile or replace that caged look in his eyes with one of peace.  
  
Something in her wanted to protect him. Something about him cried out to be saved regardless of his hard, indifferent exterior. And foolish Quistis Trepe was in love with him.  
  
The ironic part had to be that she knew how impossible her feelings for him where. The chances of him reciprocating where about the same as him happily dancing. A giggle escaped her rose-tinted lips at the ludicrousness of the thought since he practically had "Approach and DIE" tattoed on his forehead.  
  
Settling back into the shadows cast by the chandelier, she continued to regard him thoughtfuly. That scar of his would mar the face of any other man. She knew it had to be due to her own biased thinking since the mirror-mark left on Seifer only seemed to make him more ruggedly bully-ish, but certainly didn't increase his appeal. At least not to her.  
  
But...on Squall...  
  
Without warning Quistis' lips thinned and she turned on her heel, facing the wall. Shadows played on its surface, dancing and laughing. It was all so ridiculous. She was behaving like some love-starved floozy instead of a strong, independant woman. This obsession of hers had to stop. It just wasn't going to be...she would have to accept that.  
  
Inhaling deeply, silently, she closed her eyes and refused to acknowledge the tears clinging precipitously on her lashes. A flick of the wrist and a moment later she turned, a small smile painted on her face. It was to the world as if nothing had ever troubled the cool veneer of Instructor Trepe.  
  
Quistis decided it would be in her best interest to leave, now, while she still felt like she had some shred of dignity left. She couldn't rationalize having much after spending 99% of the whole celebration staring at her student. Well....ex-student after tonight.  
  
Sliding through the crowd, she knew no one would question her leaving or her absence. She had the freedom to go back up to her dorm and....and.....  
  
She rolled her cynic-turned eyes at her own hesitation. It didn't matter...  
  
About ten yards to freedom and she spotted Selphie clutching her sign-up sheet like a shield and wielding her smile like a sword. Everyone knew that certain death lurked on that clipboard and kept their distance. Quistis was not willing to be the exception. Making a 180 towards the back doors, she faced a throng of hedonists sparkling with starlight and champagne bubbles. Her steps stilled and she felt an angry flush stain her cheeks.  
  
Why couldn't she be like them ?! Why couldn't she dance without a care with one of the Treppies, smile seductively, and just be done with the night? Why did every man there pale to him in her eyes? Why was she waiting for him to wake up and realize he loved her? Why was she feeling this way !?  
  
It was simple....because she was foolish enough to hope for what she was intelligent enough to know could never happen.  
  
Chewing on her lower lip softly, she reigned her emotions back under control. Treading lightly, as if her whole world were made of breaking glass, she stepped through the crowd. She didn't think anything could puncture the careful shell she had constructed for the sole purpose of making it back to her room in one piece, but from the corner of her shaded eyes she saw an achingly familiar face...  
  
.....on the dance floor....?  
  
Quistis whirled around, the chains riding low on her hips tinkling like bells. Her eyes widened and the aqua irises, unshaded by the fringe of her lashes, became a soft baby blue.  
  
He was dancing, perfectly, like in a dream, with some beautiful brunette in a cream-colored dress. But not only that, he was smiling. Quistis shook her head in amazement, a smile of her own staining her lips. Squall was actually dancing. Recalling her private jest she watched as they twirled in perfect harmony to the lilting music, and it was a balm to her heart. Maybe there was a way to melt Squall's exterior after all. Maybe it wasn't so impossible.  
  
Maybe...she had a chance.  
  
The music ended as fireworks exploded cheerfully above the glass expanse, raining color and life down upon everything beneath. Quistis watched as the two parted ways, the angelic girl towards Cid and Squall slipped out onto the back balcony.  
  
Without a definite plan in mind, she followed him to the glass doors. Before exiting Quistis glanced up through the dome and smiled at the moon...for luck.  
  
"You really are an excellent student", she began as she entered the quiet, star-strewn terrace and settled beside him. "Even that dance was perfect."  
  
Squall shrugged, crinkling the stiff fabric and didn't look at her.   
  
"Thank you", he replied non-commitally and fell into silence.  
  
A slight breeze ruffled his hair as she waited beside him. Waited for what, she wasn't entirely sure. Maybe for just a small sign that the smiling Squall she had glimpsed a moment ago wasn't just a figment of her imagination. Tucking a stray locke behind her ear, Quistis listened to the soothing sound of rustling leaves and leaned against the banister.  
  
"Yes?", he asked, his voice tinged with cool, distant respect.  
  
She could tell he was growing uncomfortable with the intruding silence.   
  
"So you'll dance with someone you don't even know, but you can't stand being around me?", she replied, glancing at him with an impish half-smile.  
  
He shot her a quizzical look.  
  
"...Whatever. You're an instructor, and I'm your student. It's kind of awkward when you don't say anything."  
  
She smiled softly at his profile and assessed him silently. Something was definitely a bit different about tonight if Squall Leonhart was feeling uncomfortable with silence. Like maybe the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse rode by without her noticing.  
  
"That's true. I was like that myself", she brushed off and gazed again at the lovely panorama. Maybe if she got him into a deeper conversation she could carve through that ice...Too bad there were so many people around that could come out at any moment and ...throw up in the bushes or something. That'd ruin the moment. But it was so beautiful out she didn't want to leave... Suddenly a bolt of inspiration struck her.  
  
"Oh, I completely forgot. I wonder what's to become of me? ", she turned towards him as he cocked an eyebrow in her general direction. "I've come to give you an order. You and I are to go to the 'secret area'. It's where students secretly meet up and talk after curfew. It's inside the training center."   
  
He shook his head and regarded her with bored incredulity.   
  
" What do you want to do there? Are we going there to tell everyone they're violating curfew? If that's the case, forget it. Leave that for the disciplinary committee", he replied in strained dismissal.  
  
He really did try too hard sometimes.  
  
Quistis yeilded a soft, partially suppressed laugh that floated above the sound of music wafting through the closed doors. "Go get changed and meet me in front of the training center." she rejoined with a smile tinting her voice. "This will be my last order", she tossed over her shoulder as she left the terrace.   
  
Departing was a piece of cake now that Selphie was preoccupied on the other side of the room with some poor guest cuckolded into selling away his soul. She offered up a prayer for him and glided out of the ballroom. When the doors closed behind her it was like entering a quiet sanctuary in comparison. But on the inside she was in turmoil....  
  
Alright, now she was going to have her chance...her first and maybe last shot of being able to really talk to him one on one...and hope he'll listen to what she wasn't saying as much as what she was....  
  
She continued to muse silently as her boots clicked loudly and echoed on the deserted marble path towards the training center. Her mind seemed to be a whirlwind of disjointed thoughts circling her mind and heart.  
  
Before she knew it she could feel a pair of eyes burning a hole into her back. Turning slowly, she faced Squall and her countenance softened into a greeting smile. He quickly looked away and walked past her, ire tracing his characteristic indifference.  
  
She followed silently, not sure yet of what to make of such an acknowledgment. He seemed either severly annoyed or, she hoped, unsure of himself and thus overcompensating with treating her like that. She shrugged it off for now and followed him inside the training center.  
  
Together they fought silently side-by-side through several trivial battles. There was always a certain repore between them on the field that belied words, but tonight it seemed especially strong. She always seemed to know just when to heal the wounds he wouldn't take care of, and he always seemed to find ways to lend her a hand should she take on too much.  
  
By the time they arrived to the 'secret area', Quistis was in high spirits. The spot was enchantingly bathed in pale moonlight and her eyes sparkled with childish delight at the view. Squall pointedly tried not to notice...  
  
" I haven't been here for a while", she breathed as Squall hunched over the rail.  
  
Quistis rested her elbows on it and smiled softly into the breeze. "What time is it?" she asked idly.  
  
"It's after midnight", he replied stifly.  
  
Quitis stretched her arms behind her back and then lifted her palms towards the sky.   
  
" Oh well... I, Quistis Trepe, am no longer an instructor as of now! I'm a member of SeeD now, just like you. Who knows, maybe we'll end up working together", she leaned back down, her hands framing her cheeks on the rail as she grinned up at him.   
  
Squall barely glanced at her from the corner of his eye and subtely turned away. He shouldn't have come...  
  
The silence thickened between them. Quistis' smile faded and ....was lost. Her gaze slowly drooped and fell to the ground. Squall peered over and caught the top of her head bowed slightly. He felt like an ass....but that was the point.  
  
" ...Oh really?" his voice cut her with it's obvious apathy.  
  
"Is...that all you're going to say?", she asked faltering for something to reply.  
  
He shrugged and raked his fingers through his hair in irritation.   
  
" If that's how it was decided, you have to abide by it."  
  
Quistis shifted closer into herself and her vision blurred softly at the edges.  
  
"They told me that I failed as an instructor. Basically, that I lacked leadership qualities. I was a SeeD by the age of 15, got my instructor license at 17... It's only been a year since I got it... I wonder where I went wrong... I did my best...", she paused and inhaled smoothly past the lump in her throat. "...Are you listening?"  
  
Squall closed his eyes with a slight shake of his head.   
  
"Are you done yet...? I don't wanna talk about it. What am I supposed to say about other people's problems?"  
  
Quistis felt lost, shaken...what had she done to deserve that?  
  
"I'm not asking you to say anything. I..I just want you to listen. " And care, she added silently.  
  
" Then go talk to a wall."  
  
She stiffened from the impact. In one second she went from the brink of tearful rejection to something much deeper.   
  
The only sounds between them were the click of her heels on the brick and the tinkle of her belts as she crossed over to him. His leather clothes rustled softly as he turned towards her.  
  
And the sound of a sharp smack reverberated between them.  
  
His face turned sharply from the unexpected force and a red print of her hand tattoed his cheek. He stood there, silently, not looking at her.  
  
"Why are you treating me this way? What have I ever done? I don't care how little you like me, you can at least show me some common curtesy!" She was so upset that angry tears were glistening in her eyes.  
  
He tentatively cast his line of sight towards her and winced at the distraught and unhappy look on her face. Without a word he brushed his gloved fingers over the tears on her cheek. Her breath caught as she looked up at him questioningly.  
  
"Look, just..don't cry, ok?"  
  
"You still haven't answered me", she persisted stonily...but still unable to completely forget how close he was.  
  
His hand seemed to linger on her face before he drew it away sharply.  
  
"Why should I? My business is my own. Everyone has to take care of themselves. I don't want to carry anyone's burden", he clipped out and turned to walk away.  
  
"....Why are you always running..?", Quistis barely whispered "What are you so afraid of?"   
  
Squall stopped in his tracks, his back facing her.  
  
Slowly, driven by impulse, she reached up and placed her hand on his shoulder. He shrugged it off and she rested it back on his shoulder again.  
  
"What are you trying to do...?" he asked as witheringly as possible.  
  
"I just want you to look at me, in the eyes, and tell me...tell me you're annoyed that I brought you here and that you want me to leave you alone."  
  
"Fine..." he gritted out and turned towards her. The stars put silver highlights in her hair and illuminated the trails that had streaked her cheeks. Her eyes, wide and vulnerable, seemed to keep begging him for something he knew he didn't deserve to give her. Of course to anyone else in her previous wrath she would seem like a vengeful goddess, but to him she was just like an angry kitten. Though right now, he knew he had the power to hurt her. All he had to do was say it, leave, and know he did the right thing.   
  
But...he also knew that she'd never smile at him the same way again. And that she'd never try to crack corny jokes with him again. And that she'd never try to get him to talk to her again. Quistis had no idea how much of an open book she was. Though no one else seemed to be able to penetrate that professional surface, he knew what a romantic she was...how she always wanted that knight on a white horse.....and he always knew she had feelings for him.  
  
But he was no knight to save her. Hell, he could barely keep himself in check. And that look in her eyes kept making him feel like she fully believed that he could single-handedly save the world, but it also made him realize all the more how much he couldn't do at all. The fact that she believed in him so damn much made him feel powerless.   
  
And he hated that.   
  
Or she looked at him as though he was a child she had to protect. He didn't need that. He didn't need anyone. He was perfectly capable of protecting one person, himself...and...she was just going to have to realize that the hard way.  
  
He narrowed his eyes at her and began to form the words, but he could literally see her heart break in her eyes the second she thought he was serious. Someone watching would think she was looking at him with scorn...but he knew....he could feel it...how much she was hurting.  
  
Because he felt the same way.......  
  
Damn it....  
  
He took her gloved hand in his and watched her expression closely.  
  
"Quistis....listen...I know why you brought me out here. I know how you feel...and...you have the wrong guy. There are 20-odd Treppies sitting in there right now that would give their right arms to be by your side. They'd treat you like a goddess and be anything for you. I can't be more than what I am."  
  
Shock registered first, and then her face burned a bright pink in embarrassment, which faded into a small smile of understanding.  
  
"Squall, I don't want someone who puts me on a pedastal because I know how badly they'll be disenchanted at how the real person behind the name acts." She took a small step closer, her gaze lifted to his in ungaurded honesty. "I want you because you see me for what I am and I see you for what you are. Behind the labels. And..." she chewed softly on her lower lips for a moment, and averted her eyes before lifting them up again, shining with unshed tears. "And....I love you. I feel like I always have...like I have forever. And I don't want you to say a word. I know you don't feel the same way, but I never did like playing games. Whatever you decide to do now...just do as your heart tells you. And if you ask it of me I'll never speak of it again."  
  
His knew this was his escape. She offered it to him. He hesitated and brushed one last tear from her cheek. But somehow his hand stayed cupping her face. And somehow he drew her closer. "Who says", he murmered next to her ear, "that I don't feel the same way...?"  
  
And somehow, when his lips touched hers, it took their breath away.  
  
The kiss they shared was sensual and achingly sweet. Squall drew back to touch his lips ever so gently on the corners of her eyelids were tears had left them moist. He could feel her heartbeat quicken.   
  
"Quistis...." Squall began huskily.   
  
"Don't say it...I know." she pulled him closer and rested her cheek on his chest. "I know that this isn't the time for us. Something tells me that you have something greater in store for you than this place. And though you try to deny it with every breath you take, you feel it too. You are what heroes are made of."  
  
Squall enveloped her in his arms, his face nestled in her hair that was quickly being spotted with tears.She smiled through the haze and cherished the moment.  
  
"Squall....I'll be here..."  
  
"...Why?"  
  
"I'll be waiting...for you." she murmered softly.  
  
"...So...   
  
if you come here...you'll find me.   
  
I promise." 


	2. Prologue

--one year later--  
  
  
It was dark and she was alone.  
  
Walking, maybe....floating, possibly.  
  
But she wasn't afraid. In fact, she couldn't feel anything at all. It was like she was surounded by a vacuum inside and out...  
  
Suddenly it was there, waiting. Her face stared back at her with empty, mocking eyes. It didn't blink or move, but all the same it dared her...challenged her. She knew who she was. Quistis Trepe never backed down, even from herself.  
  
With one swift gesture, she smashed the reflection into a million tiny stars that fell dying all around her. Turning, satisfied, she faced the back of another mirror. But this one showed a boy with shaggy blonde hair, his face obscured and shadowed. Though what struck her was not the boy, but the fact that Griever dangled around his neck. She opened her mouth to speak, to question or demand, but found her voice was sucked dry and lost in the black silence.  
  
The phantom moved toward her and she stepped back into nothingness. Falling, slowly, he reached out to her.  
  
She hesitated...and grabbed his hand.  
  
As their fingertips touched a great bolt of light shot through her and swallowed the sky. It consumed her, blinded her, and threw her violently into a wall of chains. They tangled about her, binding her wrists and ankles, and wrapping themselves around her eyes. She hung there, vulnerable and exposed for what could have been a moment...or all of eternity.  
  
Though she knew that now she wasn't alone. She could feel a presence circling her, toying with her. The sound of metal screeching against metal rent the suffocating silence and she fell again, the weight of the chains crushing her from above though they were as transparent as air.  
  
Footsteps crunched louder, closer, in perfect beat with her racing heart. Now she was afraid. She couldn't make him out, her assailant was swathed in shadows and broken light. A black, gloved hand plunged in after her and dragged her up by her throat.   
  
He held her, almost nonchalantly, one hand on his gunblade and the other keeping her aloft several inches above the ground. She made no move to fight back even as she felt the life bleeding from her lips.  
  
"Squall...", she mouthed softly. He smiled at her, his eyes forgiving, as he reared back and thrust the blade into her heart.  
  
------  
  
The sound of her own sobbing finally woke her. Quistis pushed the wet strands of hair off her hot cheeks and sat up wearily. The nightmares had been progressively getting worse every night for the last week. People were beginning to comment on how tired she looked, but they were always deftly brushed off as Quistis promised herself again that she's see Dr. Kadowaki first thing tomorrow morning.  
  
But this one by far had to be the worst yet. Back against the headboard, Quistis hugged her knees to her chest and gazed blankly at the shafts of moonlight that were able to seep through her half-closed blinds. She could still feel his hand gripping her neck. The realization sent a cold shiver up her spine. And Squall of all people....  
  
Maybe her subconscious was trying to tell her to finally give up on her feelings for him. Or maybe this was all just being stressed about resubmitting for instructorship. Or maybe she was just crazy.  
  
Wrapping herself in the warm feather coverlet, she tried to forget about or rationalize what she was experiencing. But the silhouette of the blonde boy was burned into the back of her eyelids, and she knew she was in for another sleepless night.... 


	3. Waltz of Life

"Quuuuistis!!! QUISTIS!!!"  
  
BANGBANGBANG  
  
Quistis yawned and stretched in a half-hearted attempt to waken, then promptly curled up into a ball and buried herself under the covers in feigned sleep.   
  
"Too early...." she moaned almost inaudibly.  
  
"C'mooooon!! Get up!! Quuuuiiiistyyyyy!!"  
  
Squinting against the bright light she glanced at her digital clock that cheerfully blinked 10:30 back at her.   
  
Yep...it was no man's hour. Way to early.   
  
BANGBANGBANG  
  
Selphie was unrelenting.  
  
BANG BANG --BANG BANG BANG  
  
It had to be the hair. It practically had "EVIL" written all over it.  
  
"Quisty...please? I really...I mean...I actually....need to...talk with you..."  
  
That got her attention. Selphie could have taken a blow-torch to her door and it wouldn't have phased her as much the hint of worry lacing her friend's voice. Silently reprimanding herself for her uncharitable thoughts, Quistis crawled out from her warm haven.  
  
"Alright..." she groaned as she tried to untangle herself from the knot of sheets wrapped around her legs. Shivering and half-stumbling, she made it to the door, but it wasn't unlocked a Deling minute before Selphie was attatched to her mid-section, hugging her tightly.   
  
"Geez, Selphie, what's wro--"  
  
"He didn't ask me, Quisty!", she cried into her waist past the obvious lump in her throat.  
  
Leading her to the bed, Selphie curled up half in her lap and hugged her tightly. Quistis was baffled. Never, once, even faced with certain death and dismemberment, had Selphie ever lost her composure like this.   
  
"Who didn't ask you what...?" she asked while gently stroking her friend's hair.  
  
"I-irv.....ball.....toni.......sorry.......", the small woman mumbled.  
  
"It's ok, don't apologize hon, I'm just glad you came to me. What are best friends for?" she smiled gently as Selphie looked up at her. "But I didn't hear you. What happened?"  
  
Sniffing, Selphie pulled away and sat cross-legged in the middle of the large down comforter. Sinking into it, she looked like she couldn't be more than 12 years old. Lounging next to her, Quistis noted the impression of a kind of innocent failure. Like she had picked her mom a flower but the petals all blew off before she got there.   
  
"I-irvine....I thought he was gonna ask me to the graduation ball tonight. To...be....you know....his date. But...he hasn't asked me...and....I dunno if I should talk to him about it or if I did something and he doesn't like me anymore...I'm too nervous to bring it up....and well....I was wondering if....."she trailed off and looked up at Quistis with big, fat tears making her wide, childish eyes look even more vulnerable than usual.  
  
Helping people with their romantic problems and playing match-maker was the LAST thing she wanted to do today.... She was somehow going through a nocturnal mental breakdown, had fallen for a guy who was hopelessly in love with someone else, and hadn't slept all of 7 hours in the last 7 days. But it was for Selphie....so who could say no?   
  
"If I would talk to him? Of course I will. Don't worry, he's probably just figured it was already a set thing and forgot to ask you properly or something." she replied, not completely as sure of her assumption as she wanted Selphie to think. "I'll be sure to set things right." she added with a strained smile.   
  
...Well, it had the desired affect anyway. Selphie's face brightened to it's usual degree of care-free radiance and it was like the sun came out again.  
  
"Aw, Quisty, you're the best! I just KNOW you can figure out what's up with him! You're great at handling naughty children of ALL ages!", she laughingly surmised. Going from upset to downright giddy in 5 seconds flat seemed to be a special talent of hers.  
  
Quistis smiled at her attentively while Selphie began to chatter about this and that, but her thoughts kept circling back to the night before. It all seemed so real. Everything about her nightmares was like some blurred memory that was stalking her. Something was definitely wrong .... As soon as she found Irvine, she'd see Dr. Kadowaki. Maybe she could get some sleeping pills or something. At this point Quistis was willing to try anything to get the nightmares to stop.  
  
Just remembering the look in his eyes when....  
  
"...and that's when Dr. Kadowaki stormed up and said: 'That's it! I'm going on vacation! Seifer can die from a stubbed toe for all I care! The way he makes me baby him is maddening! I'll be back in 2 weeks!' and then she just LEFT and Cid was like: Oh no, we should, like, close down the training center for awhile. So he sent my Irvy and Seifer in to round up the monsters and they haven't come back out yet, and we're all kinda worried, but REALLY, TOTALLY busy so....that was the OTHER reason I had to wake you up. I'm just SO glad you agreed to talk to him anyway! You're the best!" Selphie concluded in one breath and took a moment to refill her lungs.  
  
She knew immediately that she had missed the entire lecture and was sorry for it. If a situation involved Seifer and/or Irvine it was always best to know what you were up against beforehand.  
  
Groaning, Quistis fell back in bed and pulled the covers over her head.  
  
"Quisty, you gotta get up!" she shouted playfully at the locke of blonde hair that was still visible.  
  
Trying to crawl over to her was a vain attempt at best. Even sitting, what with barely being over 5 feet tall, she could hardly see over the down comforter which was at least 3 feet thick. Selphie gave the mattress a couple hard licks with her fist as it began to engulf her and leapt off the bed.   
  
"An entire SPECIES of geese must have given their lives for that thing," she mumbled to herself with a hint of exasperation.  
  
Quistis' giggle was muffled.  
  
"C'mon Quisty you prooomised!" Selphie practically whined.  
  
A baby blue eye appeared tentatively.  
  
"Pleeeeease? I need to know! You're my only hope!"  
  
Quistis emerged with a small smile of chagrin gently tracing her features.   
  
"Ok, ok, enough melodrama, I'll go right now, but I need to get dressed. Go on, I'll meet you later in the cafeteria and let you know what's up, alright?"   
  
Selphie bounded to the door and spun around with a huge grin on her face as she triumphantly punched the air.   
  
"Booyaka!! Good luck Quisty! Thankies SOOO much! I'll see you later!!"   
  
The door cheerfully slammed shut. Probably because Selphie slammed it.   
  
Crawling out of bed the second time that morning was even more difficult than she thought. The day, which of course had its auspicious beginnings in another haunting nightmare, had somehow gotten worse. Quistis, slinging her legs over the side of the bed, could only begin to piece together her still disjointed thoughts. Looking down at her clasped hands stained by the morning sunlight, she couldn't help but feel anxious.   
  
She shook her head with a touch of ire. She was being silly. Crossing to the vanity, Quistis rested her elbows on the dusted, wooden surface and peered at her reflection detachedly. Not only did she have her little tete-au-tete with Irvine to look forward to, but she also had to find some excuse to get out of the ball tonight. She didn't think she could handle it, feeling lost in a crowd of sparkling guests brimming with champagne and illuminated by starlight. A night that dreams are made of. Unless you're alone. Wincing, she remembered the last time she had been to a dance...when Squall had told her to talk to a wall. When Squall....had kissed her. But now he seemed to have forgotten about her completely since Rinoa came into the picture. And when he looked at her...she'd give ANYTHING to know if he still remembered that night. If he still WANTED to remember that night. If it had meant anything to him..... Because it meant the world to her.....  
  
Squall was going to be smiling and dancing...and in love with someone else. And she'd be the one with her back to the wall wishing she wasn't there.   
  
Quistis watched helplessly as her own eyes darkened and began to shimmer with tears. She turned away, disgusted at herself.  
  
"Perhaps, this is the way my life was meant to be....." she mumbled to no one in particular.   
  
"I helped save the world, I am respected, and have friends. Who on earth needs more than that?"   
  
".....who would... want more than that....?"   
  
Quistis suddenly realized that she WAS talking to a wall.  
  
"I should have myself comitted," she commented dryly as she turned back to the mirror and tried to put on her usual calm and in-charge face....which failed miserably. The dangling tears on her eyelashes just wasn't conducive to the confident look she was going for.  
  
With a sigh of defeat, Quistis turned to open the curtains and let the sunlight bathe her face. Everything was going to be alright. She didn't need anyone, but she also didn't need to be forced to witness something that was sure to break her heart a little more. Plus....there was a Twilight Zone Marathon tonight. Who could miss that?  
  
Feeling just a little better at the promise of popcorn and Rod Serling, Quistis got dressed in her usual pink uniform and hooked Save the Queen to her hip. After throwing a regretful and longing glance to her bed, she left the dorm and made her way to the training area. It wasn't difficult avoiding everyone when they were avoiding you. It seems that she'd been a bit...uh....short-tempered lately to everyone. And anti-social.   
  
Hyne, she was becoming Squall.  
  
With that disturbing thought in mind, Quistis yanked the door marked Training Center open and entered into the dense jungle atmosphere. The familiar muted roars and hisses enveloped her as she unfurled her whip silently. The leaves crunched beneath her boots and the chains riding low on her hips tinkled softly as she moved stealthily into the overgrowth. Suddenly a gunshot rang through the air, startling birds, and causing someone to let loose a string of curses. Following the angry voice, she came upon Irvine bent over double, and laughing so hard his hat had fallen off. Not to mention, a few feet away in full-blown, typical male, chest-puffing stance was Seifer with a smoking hole in his trenchcoat and a glare that looked like it was gonna burn a hole of its own straight through the back of Irvine's head.  
  
"Do you know how expensive this fucking coat is?!" Seifer hissed through gritted teeth, angrily holding up the offending tattered peice of his jacket.  
  
"Sorry...man...I musta missed", Irvine chuckled and turned to grab his hat off the ground...which became a problem when Hyperion shunked straight through it.  
  
"Sorry 'man'...but I never do." Seifer retorted with a sparkle of malace in his green eyes.  
  
"Shit! That had sentimental value!"  
  
"Sentimental my ass, you just fancy yourself a "cowboy" or some such bull. Give it up, it got real old a long time ago."  
  
"You wanna step over here and say that?"  
  
"What, too chicken to walk the three feet to back up those big words of yours?"  
  
Quistis shook her head, classic chagrin playing on her features as she began to clap. They both turned towards her with identical looks of puffed up male indignation as if to say: 'YOU do something about him!'  
  
"You guys DO know you're fighting over clothes, right?" she asked chuckling as she walked over towards them.  
  
"Oh great, the ever-condescending Ms. Trepe is here to spank our bottoms and send us back to our rooms, am I right?" Seifer sneered while pulling his gunblade out of the ground.  
  
Irvine made a grab for his hat and played with the tear with a crooked frown. With a sigh he stuffed it in his coat and slung the Exeter over his shoulder. "Yeah, but the question is which one of us is lucky enough to get "spanked" by the instructor first", he quipped turning towards her with his best melt-your-knickers smile.  
  
Quistis rolled her eyes and ignored both remarks. She didn't have the time or the patience to play insult ping-pong with two mentally insufficient players.   
  
"Sorry boys, but if anyone's gonna do the spanking it's Cid. He sent me in since everyone was beginning to wonder if the two of you were overwhelmed by a particularly vicious species of bunny rabbit or maybe just done us all a favor and killed eachother off."  
  
Irvine stumbled back as if knifed in the heart and pulled out the imaginary shaft with a mock look of dispair.  
  
"That hurts, Quistis. Deep. Real deep."  
  
Seifer rolled his eyes. "Quite flirting, she's not your type anyway. Made of ice. Pulse is still a requirement for you isn't it?"  
  
Irvine narrowed his eyes and took a step forward as Quistis leapt in-between.  
  
"Whoa, cool down you too!"she shouted in exasperation and turned on the smirking blond.  
  
"Seifer, I swear, not another word! You know your SeeDship is hanging by a thread! Go back to your dorm, I have some business with Kinneas."  
  
"Yeah, she has 'business' so run along now", he drawled lazily.  
  
Seifer whipped around opened his mouth to retort as Irvine raised his eyebrows in blatant challenge and motioned towards the glowering woman in front of him. Snapping his mouth shut he merely growled and stalked off.. Quistis smiled a bit.   
  
Bless his cocky, black heart.  
  
"Sooo...Quistis. What's this 'business' all about?" Irvine asked with a confident smile the second Seifer was out of sight. "Sure it's not more of a 'pleasure' sort of thing? We can mix the two ya know."  
  
Quistis rolled her eyes. "Do you ever think some girl is going to be stupid enough that one of those lines isactually going to work? Doesn't take more than two braincells to see through them. Just enough for friction."  
  
"Friction...hehehehe..."  
  
Quistis leaned against a tree and sighed. This might take awhile.  
  
Irvine plunked down on the ground next to her with a wide grin. "You know I'm kidding, right?"  
  
"Sometimes I wonder, Kinneas", she replied wearily.  
  
"So you really are thinking about me", Irvine beamed without missing a beat.  
  
She glanced down at him, wondering just how serious he was. Her lips twitched into a smile and she laughed while shaking her head ruefully.  
  
"Back to my question, how may I help you m'lady? All my services are at your disposal", he teased and tipped his hat.  
  
"I do need something from you, but not any of the 'services' you're so willing to 'perform' ", she muttered under her breath with a side-long look.  
  
He smiled at her charmingly. "I'm not that kind of man you know."  
  
She turned more towards him and raised her eyes wide in mock astonishment.  
  
"I know. Shocking." he replied with a crooked grin.  
  
"I need to talk to you.....about Selphie", Quistis began as she watched his expression carefully.  
Irvine's face darkened for a split second before he shot her a winningly innocent expression. Wrong tactic...  
  
"What about her?" he replied as he nonchalantly stood and holstered the Exeter.  
  
"Well...she was wondering why you hadn't asked her to the dance yet" she replied, her eyes narrowed slightly.  
  
"That's an easy one", he drawled lazily as Quistis perked up. "I'm not gonna ask her at all."  
  
'Ok...now what!?', she wondered frantically as Irvine turned to leave.  
  
"Wait! Kinneas! Why? You know she really cares about you!" Quistis shouted at his retreating form.  
  
He stopped, but didn't bother looking at her. "I have my reasons", he replied in his infuriatingly vague, 'mysterious cowboy' way before disapearing into the foliage.  
  
Quistis smacked her forehead. Great. Fabulous. What on earth was she gonna tell Selphie? If he made her cry, Irvine was gonna lose the abilities to both eat solid foods and reproduce on TOP of--  
  
Without warning the speakers crackled noisily to life and interrupted the beginnings of her mental tirade.  
  
BingBongBing  
  
This is Headmaster Cid. I need the following people to report immediately to my office: Quistis Trepe, Seifer Almasy, Rinoa Heartilly, Zell Dincht, Irvine Kinneas, and Selphie Tilmitt. Mr. Leonhart and I are waiting. Thank you.   
  
  
"Great..." she sighed already irritated by whatever Cid had in store as she trudged out of the training center feeling like a failure.  
  
And of course who would she bump into outside but Selphie and Rinoa. She couldn't bear to let Selphie know what Irvine said so soon and Rinoa, though Quistis liked her well enough, was still someone she'd always be jealous of and thus, always a little uncomfortable around.  
  
Soft brown eyes met her dispassionate blue ones, and then turned to Selphie's sparkling green. The three of them looked at each other questioningly.   
  
"Why do you think he needs us?" Rinoa asked disinterestedly with a wave of her hand.   
  
"Garden Committee?" Selphie grinned half-serious.   
  
"The last time he called us 'in to his office immediately' we were being attacked by Galbadia Garden," Quistis added ruefully.   
  
The three of them walked to the elevator while Selphie and Rinoa played a cute game of "what could Cid want?" Quistis plastered a smile on her face and dropped pace while they weren't paying attention. She had some thinking to do....damage control was needed. And short of throttling the answer out of Irvine, she needed some way to figure things out.  
  
Rinoa and Selphie jumped onto the elevator giggling with each other as Quistis entered distracted by her own troubled thoughts.  
  
"Hey Gu-uys! Wait up!" a running/stumbling Zell called out as the doors began to close.   
  
Well, that's what it should have been, but with the half-eaten pack of hotdogs still in his mouth it came out more like: "Thwe Ghwuyth! Whvai Uthb!"   
  
Rinoa pushed the 'door open' button and he slid in like a baseball player at home base. Even in her present mood, Quistis couldn't help laughing and helped him up.   
  
"You alright?" she chuckled as he pulled on her hand into an upright position.   
  
"Yeah! Thanks Quistis!", Zell replied after swallowing the whole mouthful in one gulp. All three of them half expected to see him cough up the plastic wrapper.   
  
"D'ya know why Cid needs us?" he asked while picking the remnants of meat by- products out of his teeth.   
  
Selphie grinned at him and shook her head. "Not a clue. Rinoa and I have a bet going. She thinks it'll be that he wants us to choose fish or chicken for her wedding, and I say he's making all of you join the Garden Committee!" They both giggled at their ideas.   
  
Zell laughed with them. "What about you, Quistis?"   
  
"Huh?" Quistis blinked a few times, lost in the conversation she wasn't paying any attention to.  
  
"Please remember to pick me up something nice on your way back from that planet, Quisty," he said mock sternly, imitating her usual sleeping-in-classroom lecture.   
  
"Oh, uh, sorry." she shrugged and tried to make light of her thoughts. "Probably just wants us to save the world again, why not? We need the practice."   
  
That elicited a few chuckles and groans as they stepped off the elevator on the third floor and opened the door to Cid's new office next to the bridge.   
  
Quistis suddenly noticed that she hadn't been up to this room since it had been remodeled. The dark mahogany desks with the maroon and forest green wallpaper gave the room a decidedly 'testosteronic' feel. If that's a word. She kept glancing about at the furnishings before finally admitting to herself that she would rather look at anything right now besides Squall.   
  
Cid silently motioned for everyone to sit, and the look on his face told her he was about to drop a bomb. She noticed that they were the last ones coming in and that the headmaster had been waiting for them.   
  
Cid had his arms placed on the dusted desktop and was resting his forehead in his palms. That didn't bode well. Quistis tried to discern if anyone else knew what was wrong, but they all just looked as confused and nervous as she was....even Squall.   
  
Matron walked in quietly through a side door and nodded slowly at her husband, her face as impassive as stone. He looked like he was pale enough to faint. Hyne...what the hell was wrong!? The air was thick with our dread and anticipation. Slowly, Cid breathed in, and then looked up at all of them with glassy eyes.   
  
"...It seems," he began in a strained voice, " that, Ellone is dying."  
  
He paused to let that soak in. She couldn't breathe. She didn't believe it. Selphie burst into tears and ran into Quistis' arms which wrapped around her immediately, comforting them both. Quistis was still too shocked to cry. After graciously giving Selphie time to let her sobs subside, he continued.   
  
"She requests your presence at her deathbed. There is something she wishes to tell each of you."   
  
To Quistis' horrified surprise Cid looked directly at her, and when he did, so did everyone else.   
  
"Ellone, needs to give you something, Quistis. I hope you can handle it." He turned to include everyone else. "We leave for Esthar today at noon. She...doesn't have much time le-"   
  
"What HAPPENED?!" Zell shouted angrily. "What happened to her!? I-"   
  
"Sit down, Chicken-Wuss... yelling won't bring her back", Seifer added emotionlessly.   
  
Squall placed a hand on Cid's shoulder. Quistis could tell it was shaking. She tried peering into his eyes to further gauge his emotions, how he would take this tragic news, but to her, they were all but impenetrable. Only Rinoa seemed to be able to understand him now. She looked down at her blurred, clasped hands and felt very, very mortal.   
  
"We deserve to know what is wrong with her," he said softly.   
  
Cid just shook his head sadly.   
  
"We don't know. No one does. Dr. Odine has his theories but no cure. Laguna...is beside himself for answers but can find none. All we do know is that she gets worse everyday, and, just a few minutes ago, Kiros called and said that they have lost hope, that she requests your presence, and no one will deny her anything. Apparently, even Laguna could not delude himself any longer. She has become so frail that...."   
  
He closed his eyes, his voice too choked to continue.   
  
Silently, everyone looked at each other and tried to deal with this startling news. Cid stood up and turned. He and Matron walked out the side door together. Selphie ran sobbing from the room. Squall went to Rinoa and held her tightly before leading her out. Zell and Seifer left silently, each trying not to show just how hurt they were. And Quistis...she remained alone, staring blankly at her hands, trying to block out all thought. Sometime later, maybe 5 minutes, maybe an hour, she stood and left in a haze.  
  
Ellone.... 


	4. Descent

((Please forgive the short and crappy second chapter and the time it'll be until the third is up...since SATS are ThursdayO.o Though I tend to wonder how many people are gonna care...^_^;;; Thank you Hannah for giving me the inspiration I needed to get writing again! *huggles her to death* Ok, enough of me, bai bai!))  
  
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Quistis couldn't help fidgeting in her seat. The cabin was so just so oppressively silent. Another glance outside confirmed the fact that the sky was still there, the clouds still passed by, the world hadn't simply stopped and fallen.....no matter how much her heart screamed otherwise.   
  
A ghost of a reflection gazed back at her with ravaged eyes. Shutting the window cover with a snap, she settled back in her seat and tried again to just be still. The Ragnorak hummed and thrummed through her...steady...constant....until it became almost maddening. She needed to DO something.  
  
Anything.  
  
Just ONE thing that would calm the anxiety rising within her from the dismal realization of her inability....to....to....effect anything at all! There was nothing she or anyone else could do to help Ellone. Always before there had been SOME course of action, that though the chances might be slim-to-none, at least they were out there, fighting for even that!  
  
But there was nothing. No physical manifestation to save her from. Just grief....and eventual acceptance.  
  
Flicking her shadowed eyes over her comrades, she noted the same kind of infuriating stigma that had her in its grip. Caged, disheveled, and silent, they dotted the cabin with dark blue uniforms and somber black dresses. Regardless of the occasion, all the men looked dashing in their SeeD regalia, especially Squall. Quistis couldn't help loving the way he wore that uniform. The shade of it brought out the blue in his eyes until he was almost sinful to look at.   
  
Resting against him was Rinoa, who had a sumptuous little black number on that went down to right below her knees, but was slit practically to the navel. Selphie, a few seats away in the front, couldn't have looked sweeter in the frilly charcoal dress she was wearing with sparkling jet beads laced into every seam. Seifer and Zell sat at opposite sides of the plane, each staring blankly out their windows. The shock of the news had obviously severly dampered their usual "out-going" personalitites. Neither of them had spoken a word since the meeting. Irvine sat reclining at the far back of the plane with his hat tipped down over his face. Matron and Cid were the only ones who seemed to have any life in them since she could make out their soft murmerings coming from behind.   
  
Her idle gaze strayed back to the covered window and then fell onto her lap. Quistis, on the other hand, had a hard time finding anything appropriate for what Cid had deemed "the following festivity". Never before had she heard a phrase more raped of its meaning.   
  
After a feverish raid of her own small closet to find nothing more than a pair of jeans and the origin of 'that smell', she quickly found Matron and explained her problem. She needed something.... in black ....that would look very proper.   
  
She didn't know where Matron got her definition of proper, but she'd wager an older brother was an influence. The dress itself was just a strapless swatch of lovely dark fabric that seemed to hug every curve. Even though it was so long it trailed on the floor, she still managed to feel practically naked. Not considering the bare shoulders or dipping neckline.... After only giving herself a cursory glance in the mirror, Quistis immediately begged for a black coat to wear over it.   
  
Tugging at the hem, she peered down at her leather boots, which for some reason made her feel a little better. At least part of her felt the same. No one commented on her dress...or why it was covered. The last thing she needed was some kind of smirking remark from Seifer or a pathetically lame line from Irvine.  
  
Dropping the sedate train with a soft rustle, she fell back into her seat and closed her eyes. Quistis hadn't even exhaled before she was there...smiling at her...  
  
Ellone always seemed like she was smiling. Softly...with a hint of sadness caught in her dark hazel eyes. Her hair was the deep, deep brown of the earth after it rained... Her voice was always so lilting and calming... Ellone exuded a gentle, stable strength. She gave them unity and courage when they needed it most. And she was going to leave them ....all over again.  
  
She could almost remember... but it was so faded....like an old scratchy movie, blurred, shakey, and worn. Damn GFs... there were times when she would give anything to have her whole childhood back and not just half-lit snippets.   
  
But she could see...rain...and Squall...so little but still taller than her...and he was crying.... her hands clasped around something hidden and precious.... she reached out to his shoulder....and....  
  
Her head hurt. With a shake she opened her eyes and turned towards the window, flipping the visor up. Desperately grasping at the frayed ends of her thoughts, she watched as the world slowly blurred over and fell down her cheeks.  
  
All too soon, Quistis felt the airship start to descend and her heart leapt into her throat.   
  
They were there.  
  
Docking took an annoyingly short time. She had this irrational hope that if she never set foot on Esthar, never saw Ellone, she wouldn't die. Quistis knew this was nonsense, but she couldn't help dreading having to see Sis one last time.  
  
Silently, her head bowed, Quistis waited in her seat long enough to give everyone time to file out. She just needed a moment alone before having to face this. She knew she was stalling, but she didn't care. The second she left that seat it would all become too real. Too final. And she would have to say goodbye...  
  
After contemplating the ceiling for some time, Quistis quietly stood and started towards the door. She hadn't taken three steps before a light hand on her shoulder made her jump. Whirling around, she was surprised to face Matron who wore a tenderly sad expression.  
  
"Alone again?", she inquired, her voice laced with meaning.  
  
Quistis hesitated.   
  
"....Yes", she choked out softly.  
  
Matron opened her arms to her and the shaken woman fell into them. She held her softly as Quistis sobbed into her shoulder, understanding and silent. Eventually, the tide of emotion ebbed and quited and they stood there together...just drawing comfort from the other.  
  
"Quistis... ", she whispered "I'm sorry...."  
  
Her tone was layered, but she didn't care. Quistis held her a little tighter before stepping back, her eyes dry and her heart a little stronger.  
  
"I'm ready, Matron."  
  
She nodded and they silently walked out together. The usually impressive spectacle of the bright lights and flash of the mechanical city went unnoticed and unappreciated. They hadn't gone far before catching up with everyone else. With a reassuring glance, Matron left her and drifted to Cid's side.  
  
Kiros and Ward had been waiting for them at the airstation. Quistis took in their haggard faces and knew that they would all be wearing that same expression by the end of the day.   
  
"...Ellone has been waiting for all of you. The palace's medical bay is this way."   
  
Quistis had never heard Kiros speak so monotonously, so utterly devoid of his usual spark and wit.  
  
Ward tapped him on the shoulder and looked into his eyes.  
"....."  
  
Kiros glanced at him.  
  
"Oh yes, Quistis, please don't enter with everyone else. She wishes to speak with you last."  
  
Everyone turned questioning eyes toward her, but she had nothing to answer them with but her own bewildered expression.  
  
-----  
  
Quistis fidgeted in her chair within the pale, sterile waiting room and watched the second-hand on the clock move. She never realized how annoyingly apt the name of that room really was. Chewing distractedly ar her lower lip, Quistis anxiously glanced at the door for the hundredth time and tried to discern what they were saying. And for the hundredth time she turned away without the slightest idea... 


	5. Death and Rebirth

**Ok, I know I'm gonna get yelled at for interrupting the beginning of another chapter, but sometimes I can't help myself ^_^;; I recieved a fanart of my ficcy from Hanime, a great buddy and wonderful artist! Please take a look! http://www.geocities.com/hanimation00/quistis00.jpg Ok, enough of the shamless promotion, and back to the fic! I hope people like it....^_^;;;**  
  
  
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The doors opened slowly, mercifully breaking the heavy silence. Her friends filed out one by one, ghosts of their former selves. Each familiar face was drawn and blank. It was heartbreaking to watch and frustrating to know she couldn't do anything to shield them this pain. Or herself. She stood, uncertain as to what to do or say. There was nothing she could think of that wouldn't sound cliche or hypocritical to her own ears. Not that she was entirely sure that they'd hear her anyway...  
  
Halfway to the exit, Selphie stopped dead in her tracks and began to tremble, her sobs silently racking her small body. Quistis made a move to go to her, but Seifer, after throwing a fuming glare at Irvine, wrapped an arm around her and gently led her out. Irvine neither noticed the scene, nor seemed to care since he was by now well out the door. Before she had time to speculate, Kiros stepped out of the room and held the door open, motioning her inside.  
  
This was it. Quistis took a deep breath, the stiff leather jacket rustling around her. Her heart pounding with dread, she stepped quietly past Kiros and entered the shadowed room obscured by a thin layer of gauze.  
  
The door clicked behind her with morbid finality.   
  
Gently, she peeled away the curtain and inhaled sharply. She was there, her sweet, sweet Sis, pale and looking so childlike and helpess... And the cords, the machinery, the tubes, criss-crossed the room, entered and exited her frail form, until it looked like she was a butterfly caught in a thick metallic web. It took almost all she had to walk over to her without bursting into tears and running away from the excruciating image.  
  
Ellone turned her ashen face towards her and tried for a smile.   
  
"Please sit..." she nodded towards a chair besides the bed, her voice whisper thin.   
  
"Thank you...for coming Quisty."  
  
The use of the endearment in such a quiet, meaningful way, almost sent Quistis' tenuously held emotions over the edge. Instead, she gathered Ellone's hand in hers and held it tightly.  
  
"No, no don't thank me", she choked out, shaking her head. "Please, Sis, what's wrong with you? Is there really nothing we can do? Don't tell me....that this....this....is how it ends for you! It's just not fair! You don't deserve this! There has to be something....something....", she trailed off, her voice cracked and failed her altogether.  
  
Quistis could feel Ellone's feeble attempt to grip her hand back, trying to comfort the woman who SHOULD be trying to comfort her. Sis was always ready to give, no matter what, and Quistis was suddenly ashamed of how she had reacted. They both knew the answers to those questions, and the dim flame of hope she had carried all the way from Balamb was finally, quietly, blown out.  
  
She shook her head, blonde locks escaped from their careful coil and tumbled artlessly over her shoulders.  
  
"I'm so sorry, please...I...know...I didn't mean....I lost control....I'm sorry...."she stuttered, her voice came out muffled and strained from her down-turned face.  
  
"Quistis...it's alright", Ellone spoke, a tender smile warming her voice. Quistis looked up at her and smiled back, the vision of the slight woman was blurred and out of focus.  
  
"Don't cry Quisty, please. I...need to talk with you."  
  
Broken and trusting blue eyes met grave, faltering hazel.  
  
"Quistis....have you ever wondered...why you can use Blue Magic?"  
  
Startled, she blinked rapidly, and mutely tried to form an answer to the unexpected question.   
  
" N-no...I never really thought about it. I've used Blue Magic for as long as I can remember...", her voice faltered, unsure.  
  
Ellone's smile brightened her face as he eyes took on a faraway look.   
  
"You could use it even before I met you. You were so cute when you were little. Always with both hands on your hips, big, blue eyes sparkling with determination, ordering Seifer in a no-nonsense voice to return Zell's current favorite squeaky toy. Of course he was almost twice your size, but that never daunted you. And how you doted on Squall. He could never seem to do any wrong in your eyes, and you pestered him to no end, trying to get him to talk with you. And Selphie, you were like a mother hen with a chick when it came to her. Always making sure Irvine didn't get her into TOO much trouble", she shook her head, chagrin softly tracing her pale features.   
  
"Sounds a bit familiar, doesn't it?"  
  
Quistis nodded, wishing she could remember with all her heart. The mirror of herself as a child was too telling for her own comfort....but was it so obvious to everyone, or just Ellone?  
  
"They called you 'Bossy Quisty', but...I think you just wanted everyone to be happy", she paused and took a deep, shuddering breath. A short coughing fit exploded from her pale lips. After a flustered moment, Ellone settled back down and tried to put on a semblence of calm, but Quistis couldn't help but notice the vivid trail of red blood that ran down the side of her mouth and unto her pure, white sheets.  
  
A stab of fear ripped through her. She gripped her Sis' hand tightly, praying that pure force of will would keep her safe for as long as possible.  
  
Ellone knew then that she had to tell her....it was now or never.   
  
"Quisty....", she began again softly, almost inaudibly. "You were born with the ability to use magic.....because....you were born..... a sorceress.....  
  
The room filled with incongruous silence, the only exception being the heart monitor with it's dull, steady beat. She couldn't breathe. She didn't believe. Couldn't believe. Her whole body was shaking with little tremors that threatened to shatter everything apart. Ellone's voice seemed to come from far away as she continued.  
  
"...A dormant sorceress, not roused by a transfer from another, but still inherently powerful enough to tap into a part of your own magic without aid.....when most others can barely set a candle aflame at their base ability.... You have not awakened yet..but I fear that when you are.....it will be under the most terrible circumstances....."  
  
She stopped, her voice trailing to a weak murmer. Quistis' hold on her hand had become lax and fallen, unnoticed. The monitor paced on precariously, and she knew it..knew she didn't have much time left...and there was no turning back....  
  
"Which is why I'm so sorry....that I have to awaken you...."  
  
The silence lengthened...grew suffocating....Ellone didn't know what else to say...how to go on....  
  
"W-what...do you mean?" Quistis managed to stammer out, looking to Sis for answers, but seeming to see right through her and into a different place altogether.  
  
Ellone closed her eyes, trying to draw strength from whatever previously untapped resource she could find.  
  
"The reason that I'm....like this....is a by-product of the power that I possess. Most sorceresses can vision the future and affect the outside world....they tend to live unusually long lives and are physically stronger and healthier than humans. I, on the other hand, am something...far more rare. I guess you could call me the natural balance. An inverse sorceress. I possess the power of post-cognition...I see the past...I can even feel the past in my fingertips...but the future is forever a mystery to me. Odine was able to theorize that because the direction of my abilities flow opposite that of a normal sorceress....that my vitality flows the same way. My power...and what I am....are killing me....", she hesitated and looked up at Quistis, so strong and caring, waiting for even the slightest way to help her. It was tearing her up inside...but she had to continue...she had to ask.....  
  
"And because I am a sorceress....as strange and weak as my abilities are....before I can rest...they have to be given to someone with the potential for magic....and...there is no one that can take them on....unawakened.....no one strong enough to harness it....no one I can trust.....", she took Quistis' hand in her own and squeezed it with meaning.  
  
"No one....except you...."  
  
It was hard to believe that the atmosphere could be even more repressed, the undertones of meaning whipped around them like a storm. Hardly a sound could be heard, but Quistis felt like screaming for quiet. She needed silence from her racing thoughts, her beating heart, and the truth she was terrified to hear. Her gaze dropped from Ellone's ravaged face and down to their clasped hands, watching blankly, trying to still everything and find peace for just a moment..... but Ellone went on.  
  
"I wish.... I could reassure you that...this won't happen to you....should you choose to help me. Odine thinks that at your current level...you just might be able to accept my power without becoming drained....maybe even reverse it's flow and become a regular sorceress... But nothing is certain....and I'm so sorry that I have to put you in this position....but I have to ask....I.....will you....please....help me.....?", her voice died within her and she lay very still, her reserve depleted...her question finally asked....  
  
Quistis glanced up, shining blue eyes taking in all that surounded her. The implications tainting the air...the faint grip of reassurance on her hand....and the small woman...tangled in wires....begging to be set free..... There were consequences and there were questions...unending questions....but what there wasn't was time.....  
  
Ellone felt her hair being stroked softly and opened her eyes. Quistis was there, smiling down at her, their tears began spotting her pillow, leaving small stains around her head like a halo. Her soft, brown eyes implored once more.  
  
Words deserting her, she nodded.  
  
She held out her arms and Quistis slid into them, hugging her tightly, her face buried in Ellone's shoulder. That's when it started. Whisps of energy, like walking into a giant spiderweb, began to make her body tingle. She was scared and pulled Sis closer, seeking comfort even in the antibiotic masked scent of one of the only people she associated with security and love. The tiny waves began to increase, growing hotter, more violent, until they racked her consciousness. It was all she could see, red and blue, with tiny sparkles all around her, she heard someone cry out, but at this point she couldn't tell whose throat it came from. She was being torn apart, put back together, flattened out, and exploded all at once...she died and was born.   
  
Suddenly, too suddenly, it stopped. Exhausted, dazed, she slipped into unconsciousness....spawled out on Ellone's empty bed. 


End file.
